Greeting a Person Living with Dementia
We now train all health care staff—both in hospitals and nursing communities—to introduce themselves upon entering a patient's room, even if they return to the same room multiple times during a shift.
When visiting loved ones living with dementia, even in familiar settings like their homes, avoid questions during your greeting. Questions can trigger immediate anxiety and confusion. Instead, approach with clear, simple statements. Even after fifty years of marriage, beginning with "Hi, my name is Ellen. I'm your wife." This directness isn't awkward—it's necessary. Never ask, "Do you remember me?" This creates instant pressure to start a guessing game. The same principle applies in medical settings, where professionals should make eye-to-eye contact and offer straightforward introductions: "Hi, my name is Joanne. I'll be your nurse today."
Challenging your loved one with questions right away creates unnecessary stress without yielding valuable information. When you need answers about something important, ease into the conversation gradually. Allow their cognitive processes time to engage naturally. With patience, they may provide accurate responses, though for critical health or financial decisions, always confirm these answers with their designated family member or their advocate.
For those with dementia, questions often trigger distress rather than conversation. Take a typical restaurant visit: the host asks about seating preferences, the server inquires about beverages, and then comes a barrage of menu options. Each question—even one as simple as "Table or booth?"—can overwhelm someone whose cognitive processing is already compromised. Watch how quickly their confidence dissolves when handed a multi-page menu with dozens of choices. In these situations, simplicity becomes kindness. Reduce options. Make decisions manageable. Their dignity depends on it.
Consider also how overwhelming the sensory environment becomes—your loved one sitting amid the clatter of dishes, the jumble of overlapping conversations, perhaps even music competing for attention in the background.
Regardless of the menu, noise level, and decision-making, this may be an unfamiliar environment to him or her, and that may represent yet another reason why the anxiety level has gone through the roof. I’m not suggesting you don’t take those folks living with dementia out to restaurants; I want them to remain as social as possible. I’m saying it’s best to take them to one they’re familiar with. And finally, instead of grabbing a table near the hostess station where there will be high traffic, choose a table in a quiet section of the dining room.
One final note about greetings: always approach from the front, where they can see you coming. A sudden voice from behind—even a familiar one—can trigger fear or confusion that lingers long after the initial startle has passed.
While these approaches primarily benefit those in moderate to advanced dementia, even individuals in early stages can become disoriented in unfamiliar healthcare environments. Regardless of disease progression, the cornerstone of care remains consistent: treating each person with genuine dignity, acknowledging the full humanity that persists beneath cognitive changes.
Begin your interaction thoughtfully, and you might be rewarded with a moment of genuine connection—a conversation where both you and your loved one with dementia feel truly present with each other. These precious exchanges often hinge entirely on those critical first moments of contact.
Gary Joseph LeBlanc, Director of Education
